I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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