who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
