that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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