i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
