do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
