Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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