if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So much rum. So many feels.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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