piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
look no pants
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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