Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
