take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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