How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
and you said cock pushups were impossible
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
