My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
