God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
