well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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