You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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