If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
