Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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