This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
