I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
