I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
