need another drink. this is the easiest way
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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