Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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