could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
