chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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