So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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