I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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