turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
