Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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