Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
