So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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