Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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