Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
