also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
