I want to have your abortion
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Be still, my beating vagina.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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