Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
