Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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