your room smells of hookers.
And success
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
