Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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