Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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