there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
you never un-have a 4some
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
