Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
