Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
