yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
