She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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