Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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