I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
