So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
