Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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