I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
