I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
