i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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